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sorry you've evidently met some of the wrong guys, but no fair, generalizing about all bottoms, based on the experience of a few. kissing and sucking and nipple play are all part of it for some of us, and a lot of the time, doing those things gets so hot, it never even comes to bottoming. weirdly, the biggest control freaks i've attempted to sleep with were exclusively bottoms and had described themselves as passive submissives. they sounded exactly like you're describing, though: they wanted to the shots and choreograph what they were supposed to be receiving, and it was all about them. i found it hard to get off with a spoiled brat every time. another of mine used to say you have to have been a good top to be a good bottom, and vice versa. unless you've been both or, better still, you're versatile and can _be_ both you're just getting off on a body, instead of lovingly making it as hot as it can be for the both of you. so, keep trying. talk with people while the clothes are still on about expectations and disappointments. and (snicker, grin) don't knock dildos ~peace